Sunday, October 31, 2010

Friday the Thirteenth


Friday the Thirteenth
Based on a script I wrote in 6th grade
Which was based on a story I wrote in 4th grade
This has nothing to do with the movie of the same name
I’ve never seen it

FADE IN:

INT. KATHIE’S ROOM – NIGHT

Typical teenage girl’s room. Mess on the floor; posters on the wall. The calendar says “Friday, October 13.”

KATHIE is in her closet, looking for something. She is on the dorky side, with her hair in tight, conservative braids. Her glasses are way out of proportion.

KATHIE
Gahh… Anna!


INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT

ANNA sings as she prepares for a date. She is a classic teenage beauty queen, with beautiful hair falling past her shoulders and her makeup just perfectly so. She wears a black camisole and KATHIE’S skirt.

ANNA looks in the mirror. She frowns. She reaches for some tissue and starts to stuff.

KATHIE enters in a fit of rage.

KATHIE
You stole my skirt. Again.

ANNA
So?

KATHIE
I’m planning my outfit for the Halloween Hop and I want my skirt!

ANNA
Halloween’s in like, two weeks. Why do you need it tonight? It’s not like you’re going anywhere.

KATHIE
And you are?

ANNA
Party at Sue’s. I’m going with Victor.

KATHIE
Who?

ANNA
European exchange student. He’s from one of those countries that really cold and used to be ruled by communists.

The doorbell rings.

ANNA
That must be him! Be a dear and answer the door.

KATHIE
You answer the door.

ANNA
Your dorky presence will make beautiful face all the more spectacular. Do it Squirt.

KATHIE sighs and exits.


INT. FRONT HALLWAY – NIGHT

There is a mirror on the wall.

KATHIE opens the door to see VICTOR. He has a sleek, sophisticated look about him and a thick Eastern European accent.

VICTOR
Hello. I am Victor. Is Anna ready?

KATHIE
No she’s not.
(sticks out her hand)
I’m Kathie. Anna’s secret.

VICTOR takes her hand and kisses it.

VICTOR
Pleasure.

KATHIE pulls her hand away, a bit puzzled.


VICTOR
I’m sorry. I forget that from where you are, that is not customary.

KATHIE
It’s fine.

VICTOR
May I come in?

KATHIE
Yeah.

He enters.

VICTOR
Would you like to know a secret?

KATHIE
Sure.

VICTOR
Anna and I are not going to a party at Sue’s. Ve are going to a very special screening of Dracula.

KATHIE
That’s exciting.

VICTOR
It will be very nice to see vun of my own people again. Varriors of the night, princes of the dark… I mean, the actor who plays Dracula is from my home country.

KATHIE
What country? Anna wasn’t sure.

VICTOR
None of your business!

ANNA enters.

ANNA
Hello Victor! I am so, so sorry I kept you waiting! I hope my baby sister didn’t bother you.

VICTOR
Of course not! Ve had a very pleasant conversation.

VICTOR steps towards ANNA, past the mirror. He has no reflection.

ANNA
Really? I never would have thought that. She hardly ever says anything intelligent to my friends.

VICTOR
Little children say silly things. Maybe she’s maturing. Come, let us go!

KATHIE
Anna no! He’s a vampire!

ANNA
Kathie! How can you say that? So much for maturing.

VICTOR
No matter. Sometimes (voice hardens) children get out of line. (Soften) Come, let us go.

ANNA
Yes, let’s.
(to KATHIE)
You are so dead when I come home.

They exit.

KATHIE looks in the mirror.

KATHIE
Humph. I probably am crazy.


EXT. BACKYARD – NIGHT

There is a full moon.

KATHIE sits up in the tree house.

KATHIE
Vampires don’t exist. Vampires don’t exist. My sister is on a date with a weird kid. That’s it. Vampires don’t exist.

A growl is heard. KATHIE glances around.

KATHIE
What was that?

Another growl.

KATHIE
I don’t like the sound of that.

A WEREWOLF jumps out at her. She screams and tries to fight him off, but ends up pinned to the floor of the tree house.

VICTOR appears out of nowhere.

VICTOR
I see you have met my friend.

KATHIE
What have you done with my sister?

VICTOR
Look.

He points to the ground. ANNA is sprawled beneath the treehouse, dead. Blood leaks from her neck.

VICTOR
Such pity. I actually liked Anna. But vampires must feed. As do werewolves. So feed my friend!

KATHIE
NO!!!


CUT TO:

INT. KATHIE’S ROOM – NIGHT

KATHIE is asleep on the bed, tossing and turning. ANNA leaves over her.

KATHIE
(mumbling)
No don’t eat me! No, no, no!

ANNA
Wake up you lazy butt! Wake up!

KATHIE wakes up suddenly.

KATIE
Victor! He’s a vampire!

ANNA
Who?

KATHIE
Victor! Your date for Sue’s party! He’s a vampire, and his best friend is a werewolf!

ANNA
You are completely delusional. Sue’s not throwing a party; Candice is. And my date’s Edgar, not Victor or whatever.

KATHIE
…Oh.

ANNA
Anyway, I need your skirt. Edgar will be here any minute!

KATHIE
Oh. Closet. Next to the pink one.

ANNA
How did you know which one I wanted?

KATHIE
I dream—It’s the one you always want.

Doorbell rings.

ANNA
That must be him! Be a dear and get it while I finish changing.


INT. FRONT HALLWAY – NIGHT

KATHIE answers the door and sees EDGAR, who looks exactly like VICTOR.

EDGAR
Hello, I am Edgar. Is Anna ready?

KATHIE looks out terrified. 

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Agents Ocelot and Tine Get an Assignment


Agents Ocelot and Tine Get an Assignment

Setting: The Agency.

VINNY stands in front of the screen, remote in hand. DOREEN sits at his side, pen in hand. The other AGENTS, including IRA, PETER, KEITH and STELLA watch his presentation intently.

VINNY
Ladies and gentlemen, we are faced with a matter of utmost urgency. Last week, Agents Ocelot and Tine infiltrated what they thought was a small-time munitions factory. What they discovered was much, much more sinister. If you would please divert your attention to the screen…

He presses the button to turn it on. It doesn’t turn on. He tries again. It doesn’t work. He tries hitting it a bit and still it refuses to obey his will. He appears quite angry with the little doohickey and hits it again. And again. And again. When it seems on the verge of breakage, DOREEN takes it from his hands and turns it around. He presses the button and the screen turns on. There is a POWERPOINT entitled, “The Bad Guy and How to Kill Him.”

VINNY
Thank you Doreen.

DOREEN
You’re welcome.

VINNY
This all links back to a villain so evil, so twisted he dares to threaten the very existence of life on Earth. We do not know his real name, we do not even know an alias, and we have no clue what he looks like in detail. The only name we know him by is Pinocchio.
We have managed to obtain some very, very dangerous information. Now agents, this here is some very, very classified and very, very difficult to obtain intelligence. In obtaining it, we lost two agents, and a third lost nearly half his hand and thirteen toes. All in order to get this photo.

He goes to the next slide. It is a photo of the mysterious figure from scene 5. It is grainy and shadowy; all we can see is his general shape. He has a very large nose.

VINNY
Now, as we can tell from this photo, he has a very large nose… (He clicks the remote again.) And a doomsday device.

The photo expands to reveal a doomsday device in the background. The AGENTS begin to whisper amongst themselves. STELLA in particular seems quite perturbed.

VINNY
As you may see, it is a rather frightening doomsday device. Not one of those, run of the mill, I-got-teased-in-school-so-I’m-going-to-threaten-to-blow-up-the-world doomsday devices, no. This is a bonafide, diabolical, scarifying doomsday device. This is a doomsday device that could wreak havoc. This is a doomsday device that could annihilate planets. This is a doomsday device—

PETER
How are we going to destroy it?

IRA
He’s getting to that part Peter.

VINNY
We are going to have to give this all we can. Everything we’ve got.

MISCELLANEOUS AGENT
So are we all going?

VINNY
No because the submarine can only fit five. We are sending the top. Ocelot, Tine—

KEITH/STELLA
Yes sir?

VINNY
It’s up to you. Silverstein, Waters!

IRA/PETER
Yes?

VINNY
You two are on submarine crew. Ocelot and Tine will go in and do the dirty work; it’s your job to make sure transport and supplies stay adequate.

All four begin to protest.

VINNY
This is how it is. Everyone else, we’re on standby. I’d rather not make too much of a ruckus; it will attract attention and endanger these four brave agents.

Sunset


Sunset

Thriftstore.

VIVIANNE BLUM and MARTY KAY are rifling through the bargain bins.

VIVIANNE
Oh my god.

MARTY
What is it?

VIVIANNE holds up a small painting of a sunset.

MARTY
Pretty picture.

VIVIANNE
It’s mine. (She turns to the back.) Vivianne Blum. ’79.

MARTY
Oh my god.

VIVIANNE
I know.

MARTY
How did it end up here?

VIVIANNE
You’d have to ask Harvey Klein.

MARTY
Harvey Klein?

VIVIANNE
He was my college steady. Oh that boy. He used to drive me crazy. He loved to sunset chase. I painted him this for our anniversary. This was during my one month as an art major. I told him to hold onto it forever: that it’d be worth a pretty penny someday. Goodwill prices it as $1.50. A real pretty penny.

MARTY
And he sent it to a thrift store? What a jerk!

VIVIANNE
The week after our anniversary, he broke up with me. No reason. Just ended it. And then he moved. I never heard from him ever again.

MARTY
What a jerk.

VIVIANNE
That same week, I decided to switch my major from art to business.

MARTY
You should look him up on that Facebook thing.

VIVIANNE
I’d rather not. Good riddance.

She throws the painting back in the bargain bin.

MARTY
Aren’t you gonna buy it?

VIVIANNE
I have better uses for my $1.50.

VIVIANNE starts towards a different bin.

MARTY glances at her, then fishes the painting out of the bin and puts it in her bag. 

Friday, October 29, 2010

The Porch



The Porch

A JACK O’LANTERN sits on a porch next to A POTTED PLANT. The PLANT teeters on the edge and seems to be about to fall off.

PUMPKIN
Don’t do it!

PLANT
Stay back! Don’t come any closer!

PUMPKIN
You won’t do it.

PLANT
How do you know?

PUMPKIN
You would’ve done it already. Now grab my—

PLANT
Go away.

PUMPKIN
I’m involved now. I’ll have to jump after you.

PLANT
Don’t be absurd. The fall alone will kill you!

PUMPKIN
I’m a good bouncer. I’m worried about that soil though. It’s full of carnivorous bacteria just yearning for some rotting plantlife.

PLANT
Bacteria?

PUMPKIN
Gnawing, microscopic, starving bacteria, who want nothing more than to eat a plant bit by bit. It’s like a thousand knives stabbing into ya. You can’t think of anything but the pain. Which is why I’m not looking forward to jumping after you.

PLANT
You’re crazy.

PUMPKIN
They all say that, but with all due respect, I’m not the one tottering at the edge of a porch. Come on. You don’t want this Miss.

The PLANT sighs, and scoots back on the porch.

PUMPKIN
Whew. I’m Jack. Jack O’Lantern.

PLANT
Rose Banksiae.

They look at each other: it’s magic.

The ground begins to shake.

ROSE
What—

JACK
It’s an earthquake!

JACK begins to slide off. ROSE grabs him.

ROSE
I love you Jack!

JACK
Don’t you do that, don’t you say your goodbyes.

ROSE
I’m so jilted.

JACK
Listen, Rose. You're gonna get out of here, you're gonna go on and make lots of seeds, and you're gonna watch them grow. You're gonna die an old... an old flower in a vase, but not here, not this night. Not like this, do you understand me?

ROSE
I can’t find my balance.

JACK
You’re gonna survive. Promise me you'll survive. That you won't give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless. Promise me now, Rose, and never let go of that promise. 

ROSE
I promise.

JACK
Never let go.

ROSE
I’ll never let go Jack. I’ll never let go.

She loses her grip and he falls to the ground, splitting.

She stares at the broken pumpkin.

She dramatically drops one of her petals down to where JACK has fallen.

“My Heart Will Go On” begins to play.

ROSE
Oh well. There’ll be another next Halloween.

~~~

Can we please just admire this for a second?

I would not let go
Drool

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The Loop


The Loop

The back of The Loop. KAYLA props up a broken leg. JEREMY drives.

KAYLA
Thanks so much for this.

JEREMY
Of course.

KAYLA
Is it fun?

JEREMY
Hmm?

KAYLA
Driving people around. Is it fun?

JEREMY
Totally. I mean, I meet some really neat people.

KAYLA
That’s awesome!

JEREMY
And some really awful people.

KAYLA
That sucks.

JEREMY
But then I never have to see them again. Well, maybe I drive them around a few more time but overall it’s pretty anonymous.

KAYLA
But then you never see the nice people ever again either.

JEREMY
Eh, fate has a way of running me into them from time to time.

KAYLA
How kind of faith.

JEREMY
Oh damn. There are so many bikers on this campus. It’s not Santa Barbara.

KAYLA
They’re just trying to save the planet.

JEREMY
Yeah, but this is a no bike zone.

KAYLA
Oh. I used to ride here all the time. Before I broke my leg.

JEREMY
How did it happen?

KAYLA
Oh—

JEREMY
If you don’t mind my asking.

KAYLA
Not at all. You could say I fell for a boy.

JEREMY
That sounds romantic.

KAYLA
Not at all. My, well, I guess now ex-boyfriend, he… I saw him across the way and he’d just broken up with me on the phone and I wanted to talk to him and I just kinda ran across the wet grass, and…

JEREMY
Oh.

KAYLA
Yeah. Kur-plunk. Most embarrassing moment of my life, actually. I was crying like a little baby. And of course, there’s Brian there watching all this which just made me cry more. This probably isn’t the kind of uplifting conversation you were hoping for on this ride.

JEREMY
Nah, no, I think it’s cool you’re opening up to me.

KAYLA
Thanks. Oh, wait wait wait, you just passed by my building!

JEREMY
Oh. My bad. Apologies.

KAYLA
Not at all. Thanks so much for the ride! I hope I see you again around campus.

JEREMY
Like I said: Fate has a funny way of putting me back in contact with the cool people I meet.

KAYLA
Cool. Oh, I’m Kayla, by the way.

JEREMY
Jeremy.

KAYLA
Jeremy. I hope to see you again Jeremy.

JEREMY
I’m sure fate will will it.

She smiles, and hobbles into class. 

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Hairbrush



The Hairbrush

Bedroom. MISS ADAMS tucks in LILY, a young girl. She begins brushing her hair.

LILY
But I don’t want to go to sleep Miss Adams!

MISS ADAMS
But you must. Your mother and father want you asleep when they return.

LILY
Could you at least tell me a story?

MISS ADAMS
What story would you like? Do you like Cinderella?

LILY
No, no! I’ve heard that one before!

MISS ADAMS
How about Snow White?

LILY
Tell me one I haven’t heard before. Tell me a new one.

MISS ADAMS
I don’t know whatever to talk about. You’ll have to give me a prompt.

LILY
My hairbrush. Tell me about my hairbrush!

MISS ADAMS
All right. Your hairbrush. What a faithful little thing, a hairbrush. Plain as day, but always manages to work out all the messes little girls like you make of yourselves.

LILY
I don’t want a story with a lesson Miss Adams. I want a love story!

MISS ADAMS
Oh all right. A love story. Ah, I’ve got it:

There once was a hairbrush who was madly in love with a comb, but everyone knows it isn’t proper for a hairbrush to love comb—

LILY
Why not?

MISS ADAMS
I’m getting to that part Lily. Everyone knows it isn’t proper for a hairbrush to love a comb, for they are so very close and have known each other for far too long. And so, the hairbrush decided she ought to fall in love with someone else.

She met a cufflink on the corner of a vanity, and she soon found that she quite liked his usefulness and fashion. “Could you love me?” she asked, when it seemed appropriate in conversation.

“Alas!” cried the cufflink, “but I wish I could! I am already engaged to another – a buttonhole on a linen shirt. I do not often see her – for often, I am compelled to work with other shirts – but whenever I do see her, we fit most marvelously together. We are truly a logical pair.”

LILY
But what has logic to do with love?

MISS ADAMS
The hairbrush could see quite plainly the logic, and she thanked the cufflink for his kindness and tact. They quickly became great friends, and the hairbrush gave the most beautiful toast at the wedding of the cufflink and the buttonhole.

LILY
I’m sure it was a lovely toast. My hairbrush is so gentle.

MISS ADAMS
But alas! The hairbrush was still without someone to love, and that would not do at all, for if she did not find someone to love, she would love the comb, and we have already discussed the impropriety of that possibility.

She met a razor upon the rim of a washbasin, and she soon found that she quiet admired the beauty and danger of his silver blade. “Could you love me?” she asked, when she’d plucked up the courage.

“Ai, but no!” the razor exclaimed, “for you are nowhere near the love I could achieve! I am silver and shining – I am lovely to look at, as well as useful in the ways of refinement. You are plain and brown, and you do coarse work, common work – nowhere near the finesse of my labors. How could you ask such a thing?”

The hairbrush apologized most vehemently – she could not comprehend what had possibly come over her to imagine such a thing. So she left the razor, humiliated by her own impertinence.

LILY
What a nasty razor! I would snap it in half and throw it in the garbage with all of Father’s other rusty blades.

MISS ADAMS
The hairbrush was back where she’d started: Another attempt at love, foiled by the intents of others. And yet she refused to give up hope, so certain was she that she could find love to distract her from the comb.

She met a wristwatch in the bottom of a suitcase, and she soon found that she quite respected his dependability and practicality. “Could you love me?” she asked, when she felt the time was right.

The wristwatch didn’t quite answer, for he felt generally ambivalent on the subject of the hairbrush, but eventually it realized that it ought to supply an answer.

“Oh,” said the wristwatch, “that’s interesting.”

LILY
Interesting? Of course it’s interesting! It’s love!

MISS ADAMS
The hairbrush was positively delighted by this compliment to her character, but when the wristwatch failed to follow up with further flattery she realized he did not reciprocate a single one of her sentiments. Dejected, the hairbrush sought to avoid the wristwatch, embarrassed by the dullness of her conversation.

LILY
Poo! The wristwatch’s conversation is far duller. All it does is go tick tick tick, without any variation. He did not deserve my hairbrush’s love.

MISS ADAMS
But the hairbrush was still without love. And she made a new discovery – the comb was engaged to a curling iron!

LILY
Oh no!

MISS ADAMS
Oh yes! The comb had met the curling iron whilst visiting the washroom – it was a new curling iron, straight from the department store – and they had fallen madly in love and decided to be married. For the curling iron was new and fashionable; she and the comb had much in common. It was indeed the perfect match.

LILY
This is not what’s supposed to happen at all! The comb should realize it’s in love with the hairbrush, for the hairbrush truly loves him! And… and…

MISS ADAMS
And heartbrokenly, the hairbrush attended the wedding of the comb and the curling iron. It was a beautiful ceremony, and all who mattered were in attendance: the cufflink and his buttonhole, the razor from the washbasin rim. Even the watch made an appearance, although he found the whole affair quite dull.

LILY
Humph, I find him quite dull.

MISS ADAMS
The hairbrush gave a beautiful toast at the wedding – more beautiful than the one at the cufflink’s reception, and all the wedding guests agreed it was the most wonderful speech they had ever heard. What a truly marvelous friend that hairbrush was, to give such a wonderful speech!

But the hairbrush knew it was more than friendship that formed that wonderful speech, and she realized that she must find a love, and quick, or else her heart would break from sadness. She wondered where she could find this last minute love.

LILY
Oh, I hope she succeeds!

MISS ADAMS
The hairbrush met a mirror in the pocket of a lady’s coat, and she soon found that she appreciated his straightforwardness and honesty.  “Could you love me?” she asked, when she got around to asking.

But the mirror did not answer, just said in unison what the hairbrush asked, for mirrors cannot speak – they merely reflect back what their fellows say.

“Could you love me?” the hairbrush asked again, expecting an answer this time.

“Could you love me?” the reflection said at the same time. The hairbrush thought the mirror was mocking her – the impudence of that remark!

“I don’t think you could love me!” she cried, and as the reflection mouthed back those words, she realized what she should have known – there was one individual who ought to have loved the hairbrush all along.

“You could love me!” she exclaimed, and her reflection exclaimed in unison. And the hairbrush was content, for she’d finally found a love to distract her from the comb – a love more important and so often forgotten in the courses of our journeys.

And she lived happily ever after. The end.

LILY
That’s no way to end a story at all!

MISS ADAMS
It isn’t?

LILY
No! The hairbrush is alone… no comb, no cufflink… you promised me a love story!

MISS ADAMS
It was a love story. Just a different kind of love.

LILY
I don’t like it.

MISS ADAMS
Well maybe you can shut your eyes and dream me up a better ending.

LILY
Humph.

MISS ADAMS
Good night Lily.

LILY
Good night Miss Adams.

MISS ADAMS turns off the lights. She looks at LILY for a moment, the smiles sadly.

LILY’S FATHER walks in.

LILY’S FATHER
Asleep like an angel. I knew I’d left my daughter in capable hands.

MISS ADAMS
Just barely. She shut her eyes not two seconds before you and the missus came home.

LILY’S FATHER
Thank you very much. It was wonderful of you to watch her.

MISS ADAMS
What else are old friends for? I best be going. Give the missus my regards.

LILY’S FATHER
I’ll tell Irene you said hello. Good night Harriet.

MISS ADAMS
Good night Malcolm.

They embrace, and she exits. 

Monday, October 25, 2010

Two Strangers


Two Strangers

WOMAN and MAN.

WOMAN
It’ll be over tomorrow. We’ll never see each other again. It’s not like it matters. We don’t even know each other. How are you doing?

MAN
I’m trying to figure out a way to leave.

WOMAN
I wasn’t really impressed. Not sure what I was expecting. Something better, I suppose. I think I deserved something better. I’ve always deserved something better.

MAN
How long do I have to wait?

WOMAN
I’ve always thought it should be something special. That what they always tell me. That’s what I’ve always expected. But you didn’t provide it.

MAN
This is suffocating.

WOMAN
You’re supposed to make me feel… wanted, welcome, happy. But I’ve never felt sadder. More lonely. I’m not supposed to be crying right now, am I?

MAN
I should wait a while. I want to go.

WOMAN
I shouldn’t care. You shouldn’t mean anything. Everyone tells me you shouldn’t mean anything.

MAN
A few more minutes.

WOMAN
I wish you would just hold me.  I don’t know why you should. We don’t even know each other. You’re just a stranger.

MAN
I hate to leave her like this. I should go.

WOMAN
We’re just two stranger. I don’t know you. You don’t know me. I shouldn’t be crying.

MAN
I’m leaving.

He walks away.

WOMAN
I miss being your best friend. 

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Love Letters to Nicholas McElroy

Love Letters to Nicholas McElroy

Front porch. NICHOLAS knocks on the door. AMANDA answers.

AMANDA
Mr. McElroy.

NICHOLAS
Miss Mandy.

AMANDA
Mrs. Crawford.

NICHOLAS
Mrs. Crawford. May I come in?

AMANDA
If this is to be another exercise in enumerating my inherently evil characteristics then no, no you may not.

NICHOLAS
I promise only the utmost civility.

AMANDA
I will join you on the porch. It is not proper for a married woman to sit in the presence of a former beau un-chaperoned.

NICHOLAS
Improper? Or dangerous?

AMANDA
You promised civility Mr. McElroy and if you intend to give me such tongue—

NICHOLAS
I meant for my head, my dear. Mrs. Winston’s shotgun.

AMANDA
Mrs. Winston passed away near ten years ago. Her shotgun was buried with her. Please sit. Would you like some lemonade?

NICHOLAS
Thank you, but no thank you Mrs. Crawford. Although I wouldn’t mind a double fudge brownie.

AMANDA
I do not have a batch prepared Mr. McElroy. My apologies.

NICHOLAS
Apologies are all mine. I should have taken what I was offered and not demanded something more.

AMANDA
How has your stay in Cooperstown been? Seen a good many friends?

NICHOLAS
They all want to know where I’ve been. Or forgotten me entirely.

AMANDA
Such is life.

NICHOLAS
I came to apologize Mrs. Crawford. For my ungentlemanly conduct the other day.

AMANDA
I will consider your apology and perhaps one day accept it. Then perhaps we will be friends.

NICHOLAS
I do not intend to be friends with you Mrs. Crawford.

AMANDA
Well, what do you intend Mr. McElroy?

NICHOLAS
Well Miss Mandy—

AMANDA
Mrs. Crawford.

NICHOLAS
Mrs. Crawford: I intend to woo you. I intend to bring you flowers and write you sonnets and remind you why you promised to marry me twenty-five years ago.

AMANDA
Please leave my porch immediately.

NICHOLAS
Well—

AMANDA
I want you to go away. Far away.

NICHOLAS
I can’t very well woo you from far away.

AMANDA
This is ridiculous, and completely inappropriate—

NICHOLAS
I went far away once and look how well that worked out.

AMANDA
I am happily married with a beautiful family.

NICHOLAS
You are chained to your second choice and I intend to set you free. It will be so wonderful—

AMANDA
Just you watch out—when my—when Jacob gets home—when I tell him—you better watch out!

NICHOLAS
What, will he use his America-blasting skills on me?

AMANDA
He will give you a stern talking to.

NICHOLAS
That is frightening Mandy.

AMANDA
I—

NICHOLAS
It legitimately is.

AMANDA
Goodbye Mr. McElroy. Don’t bother to call here ever again.

She walks inside.

NICHOLAS
I believe I will bother to Sugarbee. I will indeed!