Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Miss Robinson


Miss Robinson

Outside Starbucks.

JESSICA ROBINSON, 25, smokes a cigarette, a sweater covering her Starbucks uniform.

BRAD BENJAMIN, 18, exits the Starbucks, pulling on a sweater to cover his uniform.

BRAD
Hey.

JESSICA
Sup kid?

BRAD
On my break.

JESSICA
Cool.

BRAD
Can I have one?

JESSICA
You don’t want to get started on these, kid.

BRAD
Okay.

He sits down and pulls out a sandwich from his pocket.

JESSICA
You brought your own lunch?

BRAD
I’m sick of Quiznos.

JESSICA
What kind is it?

BRAD
Peanut butter and nutella.

JESSICA
That sounds pretty good.

BRAD
Would you like some?

JESSICA
I’m good. This is just my ten. I’m gonna grab food later.

BRAD
Cool. (Beat) What time you get off work today?

JESSICA
5:30.

BRAD
Me too!

JESSICA
Cool.

BRAD
You got any plans?

JESSICA
Go home. Sleep. Something like that. You?

BRAD
I wanna go see this movie at the Pacific. But I think it’d be kind of creepy if I went by myself.

JESSICA
That’s not creepy at all. I go by myself all the time.

BRAD
Really?

JESSICA
Sometimes, yeah.

BRAD
I don’t.

JESSICA
I figured.

BRAD
Would you like to go with me tonight?

JESSICA
I don’t think that’s a good idea.

BRAD
I just meant as friends.

JESSICA
I’m too old you kid.

BRAD
You’re not that much older than I am.

JESSICA
Yes I am.

BRAD
Seven years isn’t that long a time.

JESSICA
Seven years ago, your voice sounded like an Italian castrato. Find me in seven years and tell me how long it felt.

BRAD
Where are you going?

JESSICA
My break’s almost off.

BRAD
Jess—

JESSICA
Kid—

BRAD
I just like you, okay? And I can be very, mature, for my age…

JESSICA
Look, Brad: I know you’re a mature kid. But seven years is a long time, and we are at completely different places with our lives—

BRAD
No we’re not. We’re working the same crappy job—

JESSICA
You shut up. Do you think I’m proud of this? No. College grad serving lattes to young professionals with my age and degree – No. But this economy’s in the tank and I’d take that over living on my parents’ purse-strings. So until you’re paying for rent and food with your paycheck from that crappy job, we are living different lives.

Beat.
BRAD
I’m sorry.

JESSICA
Don’t worry about it kid. (Beat) Like I said, my break’s over. See you in a bit Brad.

BRAD
See ya Jess.

She starts on inside, then stops. She pulls a cigarette out of her pocket.

JESSICA
I don’t recommend it kid.

She ruffles his hair. She walks inside.

BRAD looks at the cigarette. He throws it away and goes back to his sandwich. 

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Right After Agent Ocelot and Tine Battle a Belgian


SCENE 4

Setting: The Agency

Today is business as normal. DOREEN sits at a desk, typing up notes. MITCHELL leans against the wall, writing poetry. IRA and PETER sit at a desk, examining something in a Petrie dish. They can’t seem to agree on what it is.

KEITH bursts in, carrying STELLA.

KEITH
Someone go get Vinny!

STELLA
I’m fine Keith, I really—

MITCHELL
Stella! I wrote you a—You are hurt!

KEITH
            (to MITCHELL)
Commie, get Vinny! Doreen, do you have a pillow or something?

DOREEN pulls a pillow out of her desk. She props it up against the desk. KEITH carefully leans STELLA up on it.

KEITH
Stupid woman.

STELLA
Keith, I’m—

KEITH
Stop moving.

IRA
What happened?

KEITH
She took a bullet for me.

STELLA
I got it out—

IRA
You took a bullet for him?

STELLA
It just hit my arm…

DOREEN
Let me see.

STELLA obligatorily raises her bandaged arm.

DOREEN
Well you did a shoddy job wrapping it up.

STELLA
We were escaping from assassins. And Keith was driving.

DOREEN
I’ll fix that up for you.

DOREEN scurries to her desk and takes out a first aid kit.

MITCHELL runs in with VINNY.

VINNY
What is all this ruckus about, why—
            (notices DOREEN)
That’s a very nice necklace Doreen.

DOREEN
Thank you. You gave it to me for our twenty-fifth anniversary.

DOREEN pulls her chair out. KEITH helps STELLA into it.

VINNY
It’s very nice.
Tine! What is all this screaming?

KEITH
Martin Gayfeer—

VINNY
I asked Tine.

STELLA
Martin Gayfeer’s not just a small time bomb-maker. He’s producing big scale weapons. Big scale. I managed to grab these documents from his desk.

She hands the documents to VINNY. VINNY takes one look at them. His eyes grow large and he puts them down.

VINNY
I’ll get some agents on it. Commie, come with me

He and MITCHELL exit.

NINA enters. PETER stares at her, boggled by her scant attire.

NINA
Keith! Oh Keith, I got your text!

STELLA
Were you texting while you were driving?

KEITH
Maybe.

STELLA
No wonder you’re such a crappy driver.

NINA
Oh honey, are you okay?

KEITH
Did you bring any food?

NINA
Oh yes, of course.

She reaches into her purse and pulls out a wide array of foods.

PETER
Are you only wearing underwear?

NINA
I have a robe on too. Keith, how are you?

KEITH
I’m fine. I had a slight graze to the shoulder, and this guy tried to kill me point blank, but Stella took it.

NINA peers around KEITH to look at STELLA intently. Pause. In an effort to make the situation less awkward, STELLA waves with her uninjured arm. NINA comes to her senses.

NINA
Stella! I’ve heard so much about you!

STELLA
Good things I hope.

NINA
Oh, you know. Things! Have um… have you heard anything about me?

STELLA
Keith talks about you a bit. And you do call the office quite often. You do realize Keith normally keeps his phone on speakerphone.

NINA’S MESSAGE (V/O)
Hey Keith-y-poo, I just got back from the grocery store and I’ve got a package of hamburgers and a can of whipped cream with your name on it.

NINA
I did not know he did that. Keith dearie, are you ready to go home?

KEITH
Let me go get briefcase.

KEITH exits. NINA walks over to DOREEN.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Lipstick on a Lark


Lipstick on a Lark

Conference room.

ROBERT VEREEN, an elderly politician, sits at the desk, reading the newspaper.

His assistant, ALBERT, sits nearby.

VEREEN
Fifty thousand dollars in pork barrel money to research some wildlife mating patterns. Whoo-ee, those Democrats sure know how to waste our tax-payer money.

ALBERT
It’s almost time for your lunch with Representatives Michaelson and Potts.

VEREEN
They’ll wait for me. Where’s Robbie?

ALBERT hesitates, then pulls out his phone. He sends a quick text. He receives the response.

ALBERT
He’s almost here.

VEREEN
Almost is not here. What good is a political dynasty if it’s always tardy. Ah, my boy!

ROBBIE enters.

ROBBIE
Sorry Dad.

VEREEN
Sorry doesn’t cut it. Where were you?

ROBBIE
I was—

VEREEN
When I have an appointment with you, I intend for it to be kept. Now: I have something to talk with you about.

ROBBIE
Yes Dad?

VEREEN
I am severely lacking in the youth vote. Demographically.

ROBBIE
Dad, I’m doing all—

VEREEN
Stumping on CNN and smiling in People isn’t going to do anything. I want you on that MTV and writing articles in Seventeen. You’re a handsome boy; a quick smile should get me those college girls, right?

ROBBIE
I will deliver.

VEREEN
No Playgirl thought. That’s not dignified. And politics must always appear dignified.

ROBBIE
Yes Dad.

VEREEN
And we need a clean cut image. No gallivanting.

ROBBIE
I never gallivant Pops.

VEREEN
I know how you young boys are. I was quite a gallivanter in my day. But my father was a shoe salesman, not a civil servant.

ROBBIE
Of course.

VEREEN
Gallivanting is for Republicans who want to lose office and Democrats who want to keep it. We’ll have none of it.

ROBBIE
Yes.

VEREEN
That is all.

ROBBIE
Hey Pops, I was wondering if—

VEREEN
Albert, get my jacket please. I have to see Michaelson and Potts. Sons of bitches…

ROBBIE sighs, then starts to leave.

VEREEN
Robbie!

ROBBIE
Yes Pops?

VEREEN
Maybe bring Rachel with you to a few of these things. She’s a pretty girl. Attract some of the young male vote.

ROBBIE
I’d rather not expose her to—

VEREEN
Certain responsibilities come with being a Vereen. Same with dating a Vereen. Don’t you forget that.

ROBBIE
Yes Pops.

VEREEN
That is all.

ROBBIE exits.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Desertion Desserts - Rewrite


First draft... This still needs some work. I haven't quite figured out the dynamic

Desertion Desserts – Rewrite

The kitchen of a fancy bakery. Beautiful cakes sit in various stages of development. The oven glows in the background.

MOLLY stands behind a wedding cake, carefully applying the icing.

COLIN walks in.

COLIN
Hello Molly.

MOLLY
Colin. You’re early.

COLIN
Yeah I know.

MOLLY
Your cake won’t be ready for another couple hours.

COLIN
Just wanted to check in.

MOLLY
Customers wait out front.

COLIN
I like to think I’m different from your other customers.

MOLLY
More the reason for you to be out front.

COLIN
Can’t I just watch? I always loved watching.

MOLLY
I don’t want you here!

Pause.

She takes a lick of the frosted, and smiles with feeble satisfaction.

COLIN
I half thought you’d put cyanide in it.

MOLLY
I value my business too much to ruin it with spite.

COLIN picks up a bride-and-groom figurine.

COLIN
Is this the topper?

MOLLY
Yes. Yes it is.

COLIN
The guy really looks just like me.

MOLLY
Funny: it’s the exact same model I was going to use for ours.

COLIN
The girl doesn’t look much like you.

MOLLY
Close enough. Similar enough hair color. These figurines are interchangeable. I guess some folks think people are interchangeable too—

COLIN
I don’t.

Pause.

COLIN
Is the cake the same?

MOLLY
Oh no. Cakes aren’t interchangeable. This cake is a lot, blander. But it’s what you two ordered. Vanilla. Carrie didn’t seem that into inventiveness, did she? Just plain vanilla. I would’ve at least wanted some chocolate. And some berries. But don’t you worry – this will be the best vanilla cake you ever taste.

Pause.

COLIN
I’m sorry.

MOLLY
What?

COLIN
For everything.

MOLLY
Please leave Colin.

COLIN
I want us to be friends—

MOLLY
No you don’t. You can’t stand the idea of someone hating you so you come and try to make me hate me instead of you and that only makes me hate you more. Leave. Now. Or I really will put cyanide in this thing.

Pause. COLIN walks over to MOLLY and tries to give her a hug. She shoves him off and he falls into the cake.

MOLLY
Oh shit!

COLIN
Crap.

MOLLY
Oh no oh no oh no!

COLIN
Can you fix it?

MOLLY
I’ll have to make a new one from scratch.

COLIN
I can—I can pay.

MOLLY
Don’t worry.

COLIN
It’s my cake—

MOLLY
Just go.

COLIN
I’m—

MOLLY
Leave Colin! Before I—oh shit.

Pause.

COLIN
Goodbye Molly.

He starts to leave.

He walks over and kisses her.

He leaves.

MOLLY pushes over the cake and cries. 

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Little Black (Work)Book


Little Black (Work)Book

Bedroom.

MATTHEW and HANNAH sit on the bed. They’ve just had a very good time.

HANNAH
That was fun.

MATTHEW
Yeah, yes it was.

Beat.

MATTHEW
Would you like a snack or anything?

HANNAH
Sure.

MATTHEW
K.

He gets out of bed and heads for the kitchen.

HANNAH
Hey baby, can I check my facebook?

MATTHEW
Only if you update your status about me!

HANNAH
Hannah is happy. Hannah loves her Boo. Hannah is—

HANNAH opens the computer.

HANNAH
Baby what’s this?

MATTHEW
What’s what?

HANNAH
It’s an excel sheet.

MATTHEW
Taxes!

HANNAH
It’s a list of girl’s names. Organized by last name. Includes phone numbers, email addresses, height…

MATTHEW
Oh shit.

HANNAH
Estimated weight, hair color, occupation, and a series of rankings?

MATTHEW
That’s nothing baby.

He grabs the computer.

HANNAH
You keep an excel sheet of your dates?

MATTHEW
I like to stay organized! It allows me to keep things in alphabetical order.

HANNAH
I want to see what you ranked me!

MATTHEW
Uh, no you don’t.

HANNAH
Matthew.

Reluctantly, he hands it to her.

HANNAH
Smithson, Hannah. My number… my height… secretary… you’re a bit off on the weight… 10 for cuteness, 10 for dancing abilities, very nice… 10 for annoyingness?

MATTHEW
…Yeah…

HANNAH
You son of a bitch!

MATTHEW
Hey!

HANNAH
If I’m a 10 for annoyingness, why did you ask me out tonight?

MATTHEW
You’re a ten on cuteness?

HANNAH
Shallow bastard.

MATTHEW
And I wanted Cuban food. Which is your favorite.

HANNAH
You remembered?

MATTHEW
Kinda…

HANNAH
Kinda?

MATTHEW
I searched for “Cuban” on the excel doc.

HANNAH
Asshole.

She gets up and grabs her purse.

MATTHEW
You leaving baby?

HANNAH
Yes.

She takes out her flashdrive and sticks it in the computer.

MATTHEW
What are you doing?

HANNAH
I’m saving this. I’m emailing all these women and telling them what you really think!

MATTHEW
Baby no!

HANNAH
Don’t try to stop me!

MATTHEW
Hannah!

They tussle over the computer. It drops and breaks.

HANNAH
Shit.

Friday, June 25, 2010

The Epic Adventures of Bagel Boy #6


Note: I’m changing Chris’ name to Shane. I like it better.

We left off with Part 5


The Epic Adventures of Bagel Boy #6

Benny’s Bagel Bakery. SHANE stands at the register, looking out.

Lights come up downstage right. ABIGAIL sits at her breakfast table.

SUPERTITLES
The following Monday, Abigail decided to eat cereal.

ABIGAIL
Yum.

DL lights go down. SHANE keeps looking out.

DL lights come up. ABIGAIL still at her breakfast table, wearing a different sweater.

SUPERTITLES
Tuesday, Abigail decided to eat cereal again.

ABIGAIL
Yummy yum-yum!

DL lights go down. SHANE keeps looking out.

DL lights come up. ABIGAIL still at her breakfast table, wearing a different sweater.

SUPERTITLES
Wednesday, cereal again.

ABIGAIL
Mmm.

DL lights go down. SHANE keeps looking out.

DL lights come up. ABIGAIL still at her breakfast table, wearing a different sweater.

SUPERTITLES
Thursday. Cereal.

ABIGAIL smiles.

DL lights go down. SHANE keeps looking out.

DL lights come up. ABIGAIL still at her breakfast table, wearing a different sweater.

SUPERTITLES
Friday – she ran out of milk.

ABIGAIL
Shit.

DL lights go down. ABIGAIL walks into Benny’s.

SHANE
Hello Chocolate Chip and small decaf!

ABIGAIL
I think I’ll just have toasted wheat.

SHANE
Then maybe a more exciting coffee?

ABIGAIL
Just a decaf, thanks.

SHANE
Seems kinda boring.

ABIGAIL
Boring’s fine.

SHANE
Lemme toast this for you.

Silence.

SHANE
You haven’t been in for a few days.

ABIGAIL
I’ve been experimenting with cereal.

SHANE
Cereal’s different. That’s exciting. That why you want boring today?

Silence.

SHANE
Listen: I’m sorry that I’m not as sexy or exciting as you thought I would be. I’m sorry I’m not some tortured artist or whiny singer-songwriter—

ABIGAIL
Quirky indie band guitarist.

SHANE
Yeah that. I’m just some community college B-student with a cat and no musical ability. But I do think you’re a great girl and I kinda like you. I’d like to get to know you better. Here.
(He pulls out a rose – a few days old, starting to dry and wilt)
 It was fresh and alive when I got it for you on, um, Monday but then, you know, the week kinda happened and so now it’s—

ABIGAIL
Thanks Shane.

SHANE
Listen: I get off work at 5 today. I’d like to take you out to dinner. Dinner and a movie. Let’s see how it goes just, two people talking about their interests, the weather, sports... Or maybe we can talk about the preconceptions a certain bagel store worker had about a pretty girl who walked in every day ordering a chocolate chip bagel. Whaddya think?

ABIGAIL
My bagel’s done.

SHANE
Oh. Here.

ABIGAIL
What did you think of me?

SHANE
I thought—you’ll have to go to dinner with me to find out.

ABIGAIL
I think we can work something out?

SHANE
Yeah?

ABIGAIL
Yup.

SHANE
Great! I’m looking forward to it.

ABIGAIL
Yeah?

SHANE
See you later.

ABIGAIL
Yeah!

SHANE
Should I… pick you up?

ABIGAIL
Sure.

SHANE
Where?

ABIGAIL grabs a napkin and writes something on it.

SHANE
See you then.

ABIGAIL
Yeah. Bye.

SHANE
Your bagel!

ABIGAIL
Oh, right! See you tonight.

SHANE
See ya!

ABIGAIL
Bye.

SHANE
Bye!

ABIGAIL walks out. She smiles.

SHANE allows himself a victory fist pump.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Jenny and Lance


Jenny and Lance

Apartment.

Knock at the door.

JENNY walks over and answers it. She sees LANCE.

JENNY
Lance!

LANCE
Hello. How are you doing? May I come in?

JENNY
Oh, yes, oh, sure. It’s been forever.

LANCE
You’re looking well.

JENNY
Thanks.

LANCE
Lost weight.

JENNY
Yes. Yes I have.

LANCE
You look good.

JENNY
You said that.

LANCE
And you’ve redecorated.

JENNY
Yes. I like yellow.

LANCE
I thought you liked blue.

JENNY
I like yellow.

Pause.

LANCE kisses JENNY.

JENNY
No.

LANCE
I’m sorry.

JENNY
I shouldn’t’ve let you in.

LANCE
Jenny…

JENNY
Please just, just leave.

JENNY opens the door. LANCE closes it. He kisses her again.

JENNY
Lance—

LANCE
Stop trying to resist it babe.

JENNY
Get away from me.

LANCE
You think I don’t notice? How you smile at me every time you pass the store?

JENNY
Please—

LANCE
How you still wear the sweater I bought you? How you still keep my number on your speed dial?

JENNY
I don’t know how you know these things—

LANCE
You miss me and you know it Jenny.

JENNY
Leave at once or I’m calling the cops.

LANCE
You wouldn’t call the cops on me. You love me.

Pause. JENNY makes a sprint for the telephone.

LANCE
Oh no you don’t!

She slaps him. He grabs her wrists.

JENNY
Let me go you son of a bitch!

LANCE
You’ve called me a lot of nasty things Jenny. And I know you don’t mean them.

JENNY
You called me ugly! And I know you meant it.

LANCE
I called you worthless! And you know I meant it too. Because you will never be worth anything to anyone, except for me. Because I love you Jenny, and you love me, and this is how it’s supposed to be you worthless bitch! Now you are going to change out of that pretty little dress and into your overalls, and we’re painting this room blue again.

She throws herself at him. He smacks her. She crumples.

He pauses. He looks at her.

LANCE
Oh shit.

He gently picks her up and lies her on the couch. He checks for a pulse. He sighs in relief. He gently moves her hair out of her face.

LANCE
You worthless bitch.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Amber Waves


Amber Waves

Office. Cubicles.

HECTOR sits at his desk.

AMBER walks in.

He looks up at her.

AMBER
Did you type up the McKellen file?

HECTOR
Oh, yeah. Here.

AMBER
Thanks.

Pause.

HECTOR
Hey, did you watch the game yesterday?

AMBER
Hmm?

HECTOR
The game. The um, the Lakers game.

AMBER
I’m not really into basketball.

HECTOR
Oh I see.

AMBER
Yeah.

Pause.

AMBER
I heard there were riots.

HECTOR
Really?

AMBER
Yeah.

HECTOR
Sucks.

AMBER
Yup.

Pause.

HECTOR
I was wondering if you could proof this for me.

AMBER
What?

HECTOR
The McKellen file.

AMBER
I’m not sure I have time.

HECTOR
Oh, sorry—

AMBER
I’ll give it a quick look.

Pause.

HECTOR
Shame you missed the game. It was pretty spectacular.

AMBER
I did see a bit of the second half.

HECTOR
Really?

AMBER
Yeah, my boyfriend had it on when I got home.

Beat.

HECTOR
Oh I see.

AMBER
Yeah. Could you hand me the file?

HECTOR
It’s okay.

AMBER
What?

HECTOR
You don’t need to proof it.

AMBER
Oh. Okay.

HECTOR
Yeah.