Friday, April 30, 2010

Walked Home

Walked Home

Apartment bedroom.

GAYLE stumbles in, followed by BILLY.

GAYLE
Thank you for walking me home.

BILLY
No problem.

GAYLE plops down and takes off her shoes.

GAYLE
These heels. They’re so pointy. Haha. I’m going to have the worst blisters in the morning.

BILLY
You’re going to have the worst hangover in the morning.

GAYLE
Oh no!

BILLY
Here. You change into your PJs, I’ll get you some water.

GAYLE
Thank you Billy: you’re the best friend ever!

BILLY exits. GAYLE looks around. She stands up. She removes her dress. She picks her t-shirt and PJ shorts off the floor and starts to put her t-shirt on. BILLY enters with a glass of water and a loaf of bread.

BILLY
Whoa.

GAYLE
Oh. Sorry.

She slips on her shorts, tying on the drawstring.

BILLY
I brought you some bread too.

GAYLE
Thank you so much. You’re the best friend ever. I’m sorry I’m all over the place. I don’t normally get this drunk—

BILLY
Just drink the water.

GAYLE
Sorry my room’s so messy.

BILLY
Don’t apologize. Eat the bread.

GAYLE quietly eats her bread. BILLY heads to the door.

GAYLE
Are you going?

BILLY
You’re home now. Take care.

GAYLE
But… it’s a really long walk back to KN. And it’s late at night.

BILLY
No later than when I walks you in five minutes ago.

GAYLE
That’s a total lie. It is later. Five minutes later. By definition.

BILLY
You need to sit down, eat your bread, drink your water, go to sleep. You’ll thank me in the morning.

GAYLE
No.

BILLY
Gayle.

GAYLE
I’m in Mommy mode right now, and I say it’s unsafe for you to go home alone at this time of night. There have been muggings in the neighborhood.

BILLY
Don’t worry about me.

GAYLE
But you need to stay.

BILLY
You can take care of yourself now.

GAYLE
But I want you to take care of me.

BILLY
You’re not going to let me through, are you?
(She shakes her head)
You’re trying to seduce me, aren’t you?

GAYLE
Is it working?

BILLY
I have to go.

GAYLE
Billy.

BILLY
You’re only doing this because you’re drunk.

GAYLE
So?

BILLY
Drink your water.

GAYLE
Drunk girls don’t lie. Or at least it’s very, very difficult.

BILLY kisses her.

BILLY
I’ll be out in the living room. If you need to throw up, I’m here to hold back your hair.

GAYLE
Thank you Billy.

BILLY
No problem. 

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Apple Pie (with Blueberry Trim)


Apple Pie (with Blueberry Trim)
April 29, 2010

How Hillary Heard

HILLARY GREENE, 19, stands onstage.

HILLARY
I was in fifth grade. I was asleep. School didn’t start until nine, and it was probably… well, the first plane hit at maybe 6 o’clock LA time, but I’m willing to bet my dad got that call around 7:30. That would make sense. I’d be close to being awake, but still refusing to actually get up. I remember him picking up the phone, saying hello to my Aunt Nora. She lived in New York, but she was in Michigan at the time. For business. And all of a sudden, I heard my dad yelling, “What do you mean they fell?” I knew she was in Michigan, and somehow I instinctively knew he was talking about a building so I thought it had something to do with a building in Michigan. In my half-asleep state I for some reason thought the Sears tower was in Michigan and that that was what fell. I was definitely asleep, waking up is just a haze, but I can distinctly hear my dad’s voice: What do you mean they fell. What do you mean, they fell?

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

It's Not You

It’s Not You

A: Hi.
B: Hello.
A: How are you?
B: I’m, fine, I guess. And you?
A: I’m fine. Peachy. Fine. I’ve missed you.
B: I’ve missed you too
A: No you haven’t.
B: No I haven’t.
A: As I expected.
B: It’s not you, it’s—

A: Hi.
B: Hello.
A: How are you?
B: Terrible. And you?
A: Wonderful. I’ve missed you.
B: I haven’t missed you.
A: I know. It’s wonderful.
B: It’s not you, it’s—

A: Hi.
B: Hello.
A: How are you?
B: Fantastic!
A: Fuck you. I missed you.
B: I’m sorry. I missed you.
A: Did you really?
B: It’s not you. It’s—

A: Shut up.
B: Hello.
A: Shut up.
B: I’m fine. And you?
A: Shut up.
B: I missed you too.
A: Shut up.
B: It’s not you, it’s—
A: SHUT UP
B: It’s not—
A: SHUT UP
B: It’s—
A: SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP.
B: It’s not you, it’s her. I want her.

A: Hi
B: Hello.
A: How are you?
B: I’m fine thanks. And you?
A: I’m great.
B: I missed you.
A: That’s nice.
B: Didn’t you miss me?
A: I didn’t.
B: I’m not surprised. It’s not you, it’s—
A: Us. 

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Lipstick on a Lark



Lipstick on a Lark
Continued from this

Republican National Convention. Conference room.

PEPPER and the other Kerrigan children (CHRYSANTHEMUM, 8, BERETTA, 13, and SKETCH, 22) sit around the conference table. A nearby stroller holds JET, 1. BERETTA plays with him. PEPPER holds hands with JIMMY. She is a few months pregnant.

ANITA, the photographer, walks in.

ANITA
Now isn’t this just picturesque? You are such a lovely set of children. And you two. Ah, young love. The epitome of picturesque.

PEPPER
Will this take very long?

ANITA
Not too long, not too long.

PEPPER
Good. Will we be starting soon?

ANITA
As soon as Mr. Vereen gets here.

BERETTA
The old guy’s taking a picture with us?

SKETCH
She means his son.

BERETTA
Oh.

PEPPER
Robbie Vereen?

ANITA
All the executive children. It will be so precious! See you in a bit darlings.

ANITA exits.

PEPPER
I feel sick.

JIMMY
Are you okay?

PEPPER
I feel sick.

ROBBIE enters.

ROBBIE
Hi.

PEPPER
Hello.

CHRYSANTHEMUM
Hi, I’m Chrysanthemum.

ROBBIE
I’m Robbie.

CHRYSANTHEMUM
You’re daddy’s old.

SKETCH
Chrissy!

ROBBIE
(to PEPPER)
Are you okay?

PEPPER
No.

ANITA enters.

ANITA
Wonderful! You’re all here! Miss Kerrigan, are you okay?

ROBBIE
I think it’s morning sickness.

JIMMY
But it’s not the morning…

ROBBIE
I’ll stay with her. You guys start the session.

JIMMY
Well, I should stay.

SKETCH
Yes you should.

PEPPER
It’s okay. I’ll be fine.

ROBBIE
No you won’t. Stay.

JIMMY
I’m staying too.

SKETCH
I’ll watch the kids. Come as soon as you can.

PEPPER
Okay.

ANITA exits with SKETCH, et al. JIMMY, ROBBIE and PEPPER sit.

To be continued. 

Monday, April 26, 2010

College Decisions: The Musical

So I’ve been talking to a lot of prospective students lately, and I’ve been bored in class a lot as well. This is the result.

College Decisions: The Musical

LACEY walks out.

LACEY
(To the tune of Good Morning Baltimore)
Oh oh oh
Woke up today
Feeling the way I always do

But oh oh
College acceptance day
They’re coming my way

My mom hands me the post
It’s thicker than most
It’s like a message from high above

Oh oh oh
It’s time to decide
Which university is it I love

It’s time to SIR
It’s no longer a distant star
These four years were pretty cool
But it’s time for a better school
It’s time to SIR
And someday when I’m off really far
I want to make sure I’ll be
Somewhere I want to be

KRISTEN enters

KRISTEN
(To the tune of The Bitch of Living)
Got a dream I was rejected from all colleges: great and small
All that studying, all those APs, weren’t worth anything at all
Then I remembered I was accepted everywhere for next fall
The availability of decisions is the scariest thing of all

LACEY
(To the tune of Good Morning Baltimore)
We know every stat, the short and the long
We know there’s a place

BOTH
Where we belong

LACEY
It’s time to see how the school’s really feel

BOTH
We don’t want to sign the incorrect deal

It’s time to SIR
Every letter’s an open door
Every minute a fantasy
Of next year we’ll be

It’s time to SIR
But people say when we step in the door
We know where exactly we’ll be
Hope that happens with me.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Slut

Slut 

GIRL
You are a slut.

BOY
I’m a what?

GIRL
You’re a slut

BOY
I think you mean “player”

GIRL
No, no, I mean slut.

BOY
Then you’re a whore

GIRL
No I’m not

BOY
Then what are you?

GIRL
I’m fun

BOY
I think you’re a whore

GIRL
I think you’re wrong

BOY
If you’re fun then I’m a player

GIRL
No you’re not; you’re a slut

BOY
I don’t approve of this double standard

GIRL
It’s not a double standard: it’s the truth.

BOY
Girls are the sluts – boys are the players.

GIRL
Girls couldn’t vote for over a hundred years.

BOY
Yeah, and we always get SHIT for it!

GIRL
That doesn’t make you any less of a slut

BOY
Whore.

GIRL
Slut.

BOY
Bye.

GIRL
Good riddance. 

Saturday, April 24, 2010

School-Crossed Lovers: The rest

Thank you so much to everyone who came to Spring Show yesterday!



School-Crossed Lovers: The Rest

2. Outside dorm

CALLIE walks out on her balcony. STAN stands to the side.

CALLIE
Stan, Stan, wherefore art thou Stan? Deny thy university and forbid thy name! Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll no longer be a Cal student.

STAN
Hey!

CALLIE
What are you doing here? Berkeley is seriously far from Palo Alto, and the place death, considering who you are, if any of my kinsmen find you here.

STAN
With love's light wings did I o'er-perch these walls! And my mom let me bring my car to college.

CALLIE
You found parking?

STAN
Yeah.
O, speak again, bright angel! for thou art as glorious to this night, being o'er my head as is a winged messenger of heaven unto the white-upturned wondering eyes of mortals that fall back to gaze on him. Angel, will you swipe me Crossroads?

CALLIE
Eating dinner with a Bear won’t retroactively win you Big Game.

STAN
But maybe it will win you.

TAYLOR SWIFT’s Love Story plays.


3. Montage

LAUREN
So what’s this new girl like Stan?

STAN
She’s really great.

CALLIE
To tree? Or not to tree?

STAN
She doth teach the torches to burn bright.

CALLIE
Tree.

LIZZ AND MAYA
Oh my god, she’s in love

MAYA
Who is it?

LIZZ
Is it that newman Doug Wade?

STAN
Like a rich jewel in an Ethiope’s ear.

CALLIE
No. He’s, he’s not in band.

LIZZ AND MAYA
Not in band?!

STAN
And she has really great legs.

MAYA
You should invite him to one of the basketball games!

LAUREN
You can take her to the Cal game this weekend.

CALLIE and STAN look at each other, worried.

“Love Story” transitions into “Tonight” from Westside Story.

ANNOUNCER
Tonight, the highly anticipated basketball matchup between Cal and Stanford. This is the first time the Bears and the color have faced each other in a big name sport since the infamous play last fall. Tip-off at 7.

STAN
(On phone, sung)
The minutes seem like hours. The hours go so slowly. I know this must be right.
(Spoken)
I’m so excited to see you tonight.

CALLIE
I’m excited to see you too.
(hanging up, singing)
Tonight, tonight, I’ll see my love tonight, I hope nobody sees who we are…

4. The Game

Cal fans stand on two sides, yelling “Go Bears”. Stanford yells, “Let’s go Stanford.” A few Stanford bandsmen play something indiscernible while Cal Band plays Fight.  

STAN motions to CALLIE. She looks around, then follows.

STAN taps CALLIE’s hat.

STAN
This is adorable.

CALLIE
You’re adorable.

Some of CALLIE’S friends enter.

FRIENDS
Callie!

CALLIE
Oh no.

LIZZ
What did he do to you?

MAYA
I have a word to say to you!

STAN
And but one word? Couple it with something; make it a word and a blow.

CALLIE
Stan!

Separate Ways plays. Epic fight scene. It involves trombone slides. It’s pretty awesome.

CALLIE
STOOOOOOPPPP!!!
O serpent heart, hid with a flowering face! Dove-feather'd raven! wolvish-ravening lamb! You jerk!
I can’t do this Stan. I really can’t.

STAN
Callie—

CALLIE
I never want to see you again.

Music: Romeo and Juliet by Mancini. He watches her leave forlornly.


5. Second Montage

CALLIE leaves the game. STAN tries to follow her. She shakes him away.

STAN tries to make a call. It rings and rings. She doesn’t pick up.

CALLIE looks at her phone. She reaches for it, then walks away. 


6. BRH

CALLIE sits.

STAN enters, awkwardly wearing a Cal sweatshirt.

CALLIE
What are you doing here? I told you I—

STAN
It’s okay. 

CALLIE
What devil are you, that do torment—

STAN
I transferred.

Love Story starts.

CALLIE
Really?

STAN
Yeah.

She smiles.

Kiss!

Bows!
(Grr I wish I'd gotten a cast/pit picture too...)


And here it is in video form!

Friday, April 23, 2010

School-Crossed Lovers

Come to Spring Show tonight!



School-Crossed Lovers

Scene 1: The Play

Three or four football players on each side. Two Stanfurd band + Stan are on the field. Two Bears + Callie stand on the sidelines.

JOE STARKEY (V.O.)
The ball is still loose! As they get it Rogers. They get it back to the 30, they're down to the 20...Oh the band is out on the field!! He's gonna go into the endzone!!! He got into the endzone!! (Fight) Will it count? The Bears have scored but the bands are out on the field.

Tchaikovsky. Everyone freezes. CALLIE looks at STAN. She runs over and helps him up.

STAN
Thank you.

CALLIE
I’m Callie.

STAN
I’m Stan.

CALLIE
My only hate.

They spin in a circle of love!

JOE STARKEY (V.O.)
AND THE BEARS!!! THE BEARS HAVE WON!!! THE BEARS HAVE WON!!!

CALLIE’S FRIEND
Callie!

She looks at him, then runs back over to her area, looking over her shoulder.

JOE STARKEY (V.O)
Oh my God, the most amazing, sensational, traumatic, heart rending... exciting thrilling finish in the history of college football! (fading out) California has won...the Big Game...over Stanford.




If you wanna know the rest, come to Spring Showcase tonight! 7:30 in Haas Pavilion, $5 UCB students, $7 Non UCB students, $10 general 

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Apple Pie (With Blueberry Trim)

Apple Pie (With Blueberry Trim)

HILLARY sits with JIM. JIM is in a wheelchair. They eat sushi.

HILLARY
This is really good sushi.

JIM
Yup.

HILLARY
Who’d think, in the middle of nowhere—

JIM
There’s a mall downtown. With a Wal-Mart. We’re next to nowhere.

HILLARY
Doesn’t make it any less miraculous.
Sometimes I wonder what this summer would have been like if I hadn’t been dropped in this godforsaken wasteland.

JIM
You wouldn’t know me.

HILLARY
I wouldn’t. Maybe I would’ve met you down the line. Aunty Dolley might have held a family reunion. I might’ve flown into town—

JIM
You wouldn’t have flown in.

HILLARY
I wouldn’t. I cannot believe this sushi! Wherever did they get it?

JIM
Food Network.

HILLARY
Really? A whole restaurant based on Food Network?

JIM
We’re becoming exotic. It’s globalization.

HILLARY
Globalization…

JIM
That wasn’t your cue to rant.

HILLARY
I know, I know.

JIM
I bet this would taste better in Japan.

HILLARY
I bet it wouldn’t.

JIM
Why not?

HILLARY
I’m sure it’s been Americanized ten times over.

JIM
And what’s wrong with Americanization?

HILLARY
You’re just tempting me here. You’re just tempting me…

JIM
I mean really. I had a great life here. I mean, before I went overseas, but here, here I had a great life. Why shouldn’t the rest of the world have a great Americanized life?

HILLARY
Because the rest of the world isn’t America.

JIM
Maybe it should be.

HILLARY
You sound more and more like the people you mock every day.

JIM
I sound more and more like the people you mock.

HILLARY
We mock the same people.

JIM
You mock. I complain.

HILLARY
Ultimately the same thing.

JIM
I detest their points of view from time to time, but I don’t wish to belittle them.

HILLARY
You belittle incessantly.

JIM
You misinterpret.

HILLARY
I interpret completely accurately.

JIM
But they’re my people. I can satirize all I want. You – you’re an outsider. You mock and belittle.

HILLARY
There’s better sushi in LA.

JIM
Of course there is.

HILLARY
But this is still decent.

JIM
Whatever you say. 

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Conflicting Prodigy 1

Conflicting Prodigy
Originally written during junior year-ish

Scene 1.

The lighting is dark, making the onstage figures merely shadows. About five people stand about, themselves into abstract human TREES. The three DEMONS hide amongst the trees, dressed in all black with large noses and clawed fingers.

PETER, a stressed college professor, stands in the middle of the stage. He wears tweed pants and tan shoes, and his hair is ruffled from many a grabbing and pulling.

DAVID, the author, moves about the stage, changing positions of characters or altering their appearances as he sees fit.

PETER walks up to one of the TREES. He grabs on of the arms and moves it. The TREE hisses at him. He repeats this action with the other TREES. Each respond identically.  He steps back, apprehensive.

MILDRED
(offstage, hauntingly)
Peter!

PETER
Mildred!

MILDRED
(trailing off)
Peter…

PETER
Where are you Mildred? Where are you my love?

The DEMONS begin to creep towards him.

DEMON 1
Mildred isn’t here.

DEMON 2
You left her at home.

DEMON 3
To weep in her chamber

DEMONS
All alone.

PETER
What do you… I thought I was in my home.

DEMON 1
You’re in yours.

DEMON 2
And she’s in hers

DEMON 3
And although it takes up the same space.

DEMONS
It’s not the same.

DEMON 1
This is your mind Peter.

DEMON 2
You’re all alone.

DEMON 3
You can finally get some work done.

DEMONS
Without any distractions.

PETER
I… I don’t understand.

DEMON 1
He thought he could abandon his wife without any repercussions

DEMON 2
Without any at all?

DEMON 3
What a silly little boy.

DEMONS
You let your work become your life and now that’s all you have.

MILDRED, a pretty ingénue dressed all in white, runs through the audience.

MILDRED
Peter! Peter!

PETER
Mildred!

MILDRED
Where are you?

PETER
I’m in the study.

The DEMONS chuckle

DEMON 1
He thinks she can hear him.

DEMON 2
He thinks she can see him.

DEMON 3
He thinks a lot of silly things.

DEMONS
Silly things, silly things…

DEMONS encircle PETER chanting “Silly things.” The TREES join in the chant, and they crescendo to a startling degree.

MILDRED continues to run through the audience, grabbing their hands and begging for Peter.

During this scenario, CHRISTINE, dressed for a night out, walks in. A pretty slip of a thing, she seems a bit lost in all this motion.

CHRISTINE
(timidly)
David?

The chanting continues. She walks up to him.

CHRISTINE
David?

He doesn’t notice. She tugs on his sleeve.

CHRISTINE
David.

He still doesn’t notice. She grabs his shoulders and turns him around.

CHRISTINE
DAVID!

The lights suddenly brighten. The TREES, the DEMONS, PETER and MILDRED all freeze.

We are inthe true set: DAVID’S study. There are books on the shelves and lamps providing bright light. A desk sits center stage, outfitted with an old-fashioned typewriter and several piles of papers.

CHRISTINE
I’m sorry if I’m intruding on your creative psyche honey, but Reina Sommers’ dinner party starts in thirty minutes and you’re the guest of honour. If we don’t get going we will be too late to be fashionable and too early to be able to blame the traffic. 

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Lady of the Flies

Lady of the Flies

KATIE sits in the study lounge stage right, doing homework. NICO sits next to her.

Her phone lights up: a new text message!

Light comes up on FIONA, stage left, cowering on her bed.

FIONA
There is a fly the size of a rock in our room!

KATIE looks at it skeptically. She shows it to NICO, then responds:

KATIE
Rocks come in many sizes.

FIONA
I’m lightweight scared… a really big rock.

KATIE sighs, then walks into the room.

KATIE
Where’s the fly?

FIONA
There!

KATIE
Where?

FIONA
Can’t you see it? It’s huge!

KATIE
Oh there.

FIONA
Yeah!

KATIE
That looks like a normal fly.

FIONA
What are you talking about? It’s huge!

KATIE
That’s what she said?

FIONA
Wahhhh.

KATIE
Do you want me to kill it?

FIONA
No!

KATIE
Really?

FIONA
It’s one of God’s creatures!

KATIE
Then what do you want me to do?

FIONA
Gently lead it outside!

KATIE
You can’t gently lead a fly outside.

FIONA
Please!

Sighing, KATIE starts swatting at the fly.

KATIE
Fiona, you want to be a park ranger.

FIONA
Yeah?

KATIE
This might prove problematic.

FIONA
I’ll just go to a park with no bugs!

NICO walks in.

NICO
What’s going on guys? How’s the fly?

FIONA
It’s huge!

KATIE
She wants me to gently lead it out.

NICO
You don’t gently lead out a fly.

KATIE
That’s what I said!

FIONA
Wahhh.

KATIE looks at the fly, looks at her paper.

KATIE
I’m just gonna kill it.

FIONA
Make sure you catch the body!

KATIE kills it.

KATIE
Oops. Didn’t catch the body.

FIONA
Oh no! There’s a fly body in our room!

KATIE
It’s a fly!

FIONA
Ewwww but we’re going to find it when we clean!

NICO
Fiona, there are probably tons of dead bodies in your room.

FIONA
Ewwww.

KATIE
No thanks for killing it?

FIONA
THERE’S A FLY BODY IN OUR ROOM!

KATIE
Bye Fiona…

FIONA
Wahhh. 

Monday, April 19, 2010

Snail Mail




Snail Mail

KATHY LIU stands stage right. JUSTIN CASH, her boyfriend, is left. He is in a car, on a cross-country trip.

KATHY
Dear Justin,
I know you don’t have your internet working, and I know I’ve used your minutes up like, three times over, so I figured I would do the next best thing and do SNAIL MAIL. Oh my god, it’s so retro.
Anyhow, ohmigod, you’re on your way to Northern California! I’m so sad. It’s so far! It’s like, hella far, lol, if I wanna use your new lingo.
Write me back! Yay!
Love, Kathy.

Black out.

KATHY stands stage left. JUSTIN unpacks right.

KATHY
Dear Justin,
Ohmigod I’m on a plane and I didn’t sleep enough and I’m running on hot chocolate ohmigod! So hyper! Yay caffeine!
I had a dream last night. About turtles. It was exciting.
We’re on our way to DC. I’m super excited. I wish you were coming with us. It’s going to be uber fun. I’m not so excited about who I’m rooming with… but like, they asked me to room with them… probably because I know them… but whatever. It’s gonna be super fun! Even though it would be so much more fun if you were with me. Hearts hearts hearts!
Have you ever noticed how clouds look like giant marshmallows? Or cotton candy! I want to make s’mores out of them. Or eat em on a stick.
So I just realized how totally random my entire letter has been. So I’m just going to highlight in yellow the important parts. And then you can only read those parts. And not the others. You can ignore the others.
LOOK AT HOW EVERYTHING IS HIGHLIGHTED.
Miss you lots! Write back soon!
Love, Kathy.

Black out.

KATHY stands stage right. JUSTIN falls asleep in class left.

KATHY
Dear Justin,
Hey! Haven’t gotten a letter back yet…. But it was nice talking to you on the phone! I’m glad you’re not totally hating Northern California. Though I’m happier that you miss me! I miss you too. I miss you lots and lots.
You know what you should do? You should get a Myspace. I mean, it’s like the coolest thing, ever. All the cool kids have one. And I have one! And since you never go on AIM and you have so limited minutes, it would be nice to have another way to talk to you…
I’m writing to you during class. I guess that’s bad. I should pay attention during class. I’m sure you’re paying attention during class. But this is sooooo boring, ohmigod.
I wish you would write me back. It would make me really happy. I know you’re busy with school and stuff… but can’t you be a bad student for a few minutes and send me a line? K thanks.
Miss you miss you miss you!
Love, Kathy
PS: This snail mail thing is pretty cool. I see why old people like it.

Blackout.

KATHY stands stage left. JUSTIN plays video games right.

KATHY
Dear Justin,
Snail mail sucks. I see why they call it snail mail. Because it’s SO DAMN SLOW.
Anyhow, I hope your first month of school went well. I know mine did. Even without you here. It was fun. My teacher kind of looks like a hobbit. I included a picture I drew of her. So you can see.
Are you playing Halo again? I bet you are. That’s all you seem to do, isn’t it? I mean, that’s why you couldn’t talk yesterday, right? Because you were so tired from your all night Halo playing?
Whatever. I don’t mean to sound mad. I just don’t get why you like video games so much. “It’s because I’m a girl,” I know, I know. I should just accept that I’ll never understand.
Still waiting for your response!
Talk to you later. Miss you lots.
Love, Kathy.

Blackout.

KATHY stands stage right. JUSTIN throws a baseball left.

KATHY
Dear Justin,
Would it hurt you to write me once? Just once? I’ve written you what, four letters? Pages and pages! How many trees do you think I’ve killed? How many pens I’ve wasted? Highlighters I’ve dried out?
I mean, I’d be cool with anything. A note. A limerick. A haiku. I’m cool with anything! Anything! You could send me your goddam Spanish homework and I’d be cool with it! I just want to know what your handwriting looks like!
I don’t get you Justin. When you’re in LA, it’s, ohmigod, I love you, and now that you’re in Northern California, it’s ohmigod nothing. Ohmigod nothing!
All I want is a response. Please. Please. And for you not to fall asleep while talking to me on the phone. That would be nice.
Please write me back. I miss you.
Love, Kathy.

Black out.

JUSTIN stands right, a piece of paper in hand. KATHY flirts and talks and smiles left.

JUSTIN
Dear Kathy,
Well, hey, here’s your letter. Better late than never, eh?
You broke up with me. Last month. Yeah, a full month ago. Wow, a full month ago. Doesn’t seem like that long.
I played baseball today. It was fun. I made some friends on my block. They’re pretty awesome. You’d like them. I think.
You probably won’t read this, will you. You’ll probably ignore it. Or you’ll read it and just overanalyze everything. Because you do stuff like that.
I think I’m just writing because I’m bored. Because I need something to do. Because I miss… reading letters? Talking to you? I dunno.
I kinda like this writing thing.
See you around.
Justin.

He looks at the paper. He crumples it up.

Blackout.